Friday, July 10, 2015

for Carolyn with love

I have taken a long and unexplained absence from this worthy site. The only reason I can offer is that true to my family history I occasionally suffer from delusional psychotic breaks. For example while attending the second funeral of one of my father's siblings (the funerals were only a month apart) and after drinking several glasses of a most excellent Merlot I said, "hey, everybody! The next time we get together let's have it be for a happy reason! Tee hee hee!"  And the next thing I knew I had volunteered to single-handed put together a family reunion. If ever there were ever a motto that sums up my life it would be: it seemed like a good idea at the time. I had a pin once with those words on it. I wish I could find it so I could point to it when the occasion demanded.

And then we acquired a hairy small animal and I don't mean my husband's dwarf aunt with hormonal issues (my apologies to little people everywhere. I love you guys. I have several decorative gnomes around my property. That's how much I love ya.)  So anyway in this other episode when the logic lobe in my brain shut down I decided to get a puppy. I have not owned a dog since my kids were in elementary school and when I divorced I filled my various apartments with cats to rid them of the vermin that were fond of rental property. I'm calling it a mid-to-late-life crisis. Ovaries dry up, get a puppy. You have more chin hair than arm hair, get a puppy. She's a teddy bear girl and she melted my heart with one single cold nose and lick to my cheek. Too late, pe-e-e-e-e. CHLOE! PEE, GODDAMNIT!"  I should probably have been screened by some animal protection organization before making the purchase, what's done is done.

I didn't know I signed on for new baby duty. You haven't seen a more desperate woman than the one shivering in a dog hair smelling housecoat pleading at 3 a.m. in the pouring rain, "please pee, Chloe,

My summer is full and it's barely started. I must go. Chloe is chasing killer rabbits in her dreams. Poor thing, that's the best she'll ever do. Even the squirrels aren't afraid of her.


Anonymous said...

About time you came back. Your favorite bro Dave :-)

Arizaphale said...

So much to love about this post! The photo; the puppy training study- with wine; the title; the fact that it's here :-)
Chloe! What kind is she? (I am tempted to preface that question by Mr Wong, Mr Wong.....which has nothing to do with your online masquerade and everything to do with a 1970s ad for travellers' cheques). There is a poodle-y look to her from the photo but it's difficult to tell.
Oh and by the way, I actually have a badge which reads "It's been lovely, but I have to scream now." Which kind of sums it up for me.
Thanks for checking in!!

BrightenedBoy said...

Sorry to hear you were going through a difficult time, and I hope you're feeling more settled now. Promises made under the influence of Merlot should definitely be retractable! And Chloe is so adorable. I imagine she'll make a lovely companion once some of the house-training issues are resolved.