Friday, July 10, 2015

for Carolyn with love

I have taken a long and unexplained absence from this worthy site. The only reason I can offer is that true to my family history I occasionally suffer from delusional psychotic breaks. For example while attending the second funeral of one of my father's siblings (the funerals were only a month apart) and after drinking several glasses of a most excellent Merlot I said, "hey, everybody! The next time we get together let's have it be for a happy reason! Tee hee hee!"  And the next thing I knew I had volunteered to single-handed put together a family reunion. If ever there were ever a motto that sums up my life it would be: it seemed like a good idea at the time. I had a pin once with those words on it. I wish I could find it so I could point to it when the occasion demanded.

And then we acquired a hairy small animal and I don't mean my husband's dwarf aunt with hormonal issues (my apologies to little people everywhere. I love you guys. I have several decorative gnomes around my property. That's how much I love ya.)  So anyway in this other episode when the logic lobe in my brain shut down I decided to get a puppy. I have not owned a dog since my kids were in elementary school and when I divorced I filled my various apartments with cats to rid them of the vermin that were fond of rental property. I'm calling it a mid-to-late-life crisis. Ovaries dry up, get a puppy. You have more chin hair than arm hair, get a puppy. She's a teddy bear girl and she melted my heart with one single cold nose and lick to my cheek. Too late, pe-e-e-e-e. CHLOE! PEE, GODDAMNIT!"  I should probably have been screened by some animal protection organization before making the purchase, what's done is done.

I didn't know I signed on for new baby duty. You haven't seen a more desperate woman than the one shivering in a dog hair smelling housecoat pleading at 3 a.m. in the pouring rain, "please pee, Chloe,

My summer is full and it's barely started. I must go. Chloe is chasing killer rabbits in her dreams. Poor thing, that's the best she'll ever do. Even the squirrels aren't afraid of her.