There is a fierce site before me. Pale bodies churning and grabbing for the light, falling, clinging crazily to each other, a jumble of tormented glistening human flesh. And the screams, oh god, the screaming won't stop. Has Dante's Inferno opened in front of me? No, I am at the (shudder) water park with the grandchildren.
Water parks are the result of a society gone awry. The concept does not promote healthy community interaction. I am standing in a smelly tub of murky water teeming with bacteria and strangers are splashing and hurling themselves at me. It's not right.
I like the water slides but they make you go through a torturous ascent that includes rope ladders that no middle-aged woman should be expected to climb. On the way there are several stations equipped with water-shooting machines and weasel-eyed school bullies wait for me to cross their line of fire. I must resemble an unlikable teacher at the alternative middle school because I get shot a lot.
I dump out my bag of fruit on the table below the sign that says, No food from the outside allowed on these premises. I glance around me, steely-eyed, waiting for a challenge from a roaming staff member. I have a planned response and that would be, I'll stop bringing in food when you start providing healthy snacks. All is quiet and no rebuttal will be sounded today. In gratitude I purchase a pizza, fennel cake and pretzels with cheese at the snack bar.
|"Nobody moves or the kid gets it."|
Cleavon Little, Blazing Saddles
My group consists of two grandsons and one step-granddaughter, half-sister to a younger daughter who is half-sister to the two grandsons. My obituary will have names of step- grandchildren, half children and whole children and a note that says I tipped well.
After six hours in a damp swimsuit I say, home,